Must see TV

Most people probably think serial killers watch CSI, Bones, and Law and Order.  A few might even consider adding Dexter to the list.  In my experience, those shows are useless.  There isn't a lot of info there that's accurate.  What is accurate is horribly out of date.  When I watch those shows I laugh.  And imagine the poor beginners who think they're learning something.

I prefer the Discovery channel.  And its offspring.  I Almost Got Away With It is invaluable.  There's nothing like learning from the mistakes of others.  Unless it's learning from personal experience.  I think it's time to get to work.

Better set the DVR.

Set something on fire

Janessa's movements were slow and sure. 

First the newspaper she had stolen from the neighbor's drive.  Next the pizza box from last night's dinner.  The phone book.  Her notes from psychology class. 

Janessa popped open the flip top on the can of lighter fluid.  Dousing the pile on her living room floor, she took a deep breath to steady herself.  Instead, the fumes made her dizzy.  She deliberately traced a line from the pyre across the carpet, up the wall and onto the blue flowered drapes.

The book of matches was waiting.  Red.  Gold lettering advertised Two Brews, the bar where she had met Devin the night before.  Janessa opened the book and removed a single match.  Another deep breath and her hand struck the match head against the striker strip.  She tossed the match. 

Janessa backed up until she hit the wall.  She watched the flames grab each item she had so carefully placed.  Then the fire found the trail.  Low blue topped with bright white, it wormed across the floor.  The drapes caught.

The fire alarm began to shrill.  Janessa plugged her ears.  Then pulled her fingers quickly away.  She needed to hear the sirens.  She hoped to hear them soon.  She needed Devin to save her.  He was a firefighter, after all.

Make a case for your favorite fruit

I have to make a case for this fruit.  (And yes, it is a fruit!)

I have to build a case, lock it inside, and never eat it again.  This fruit tried to kill me!

Did you know that if you are allergic to latex, you may also have reactions to avocados, bananas, kiwi fruit, and chestnuts?  I had heard the rumor, but eaten avocado in the past with no issues.  Surprise!

One bite of guacamole was enough to make my tongue and throat start to swell.  I was lucky, in that I realized what was happening and didn't eat anymore. 

The problem is that I love avocado.  It is creamy.  It is rich.  It loves to hang out with tomatoes, onion and jalapeno (some of my other favorite plants) in delightful guacamole.  It is hard for me to be in the room with that kind of deliciousness and not scarf it down.

So maybe I shouldn't make a case for avocado.  Maybe instead I should make a casket.  So that I can bury it and mourn its passing from my life. 

Farewell fond friend. 

What you would shoplift

"What do you want?" Bob asked as we walked into Walgreen's.

"Just a Dr. Pepper.  Hey, I need to go to the bathroom.  I'll meet you up front." I kissed him on the cheek and moved off toward the back of the store before he could protest.

Down one aisle, a left hand turn, and a peek back over my shoulder to let me know he wasn't watching.  This was way too embarrassing to let him know about. 

I made my way to the back corner of the store.  There it was, next to the small freezer case.  My favorite aisle.  Full of things that I couldn't bring myself to buy, but couldn't live without. 

Looking around to make sure no one was watching, I pulled my black drawstring bag off of my shoulder.  Quickly opening it, I grabbed what I had been dreaming about.  I pulled a Snuggie down from the shelf above and ripped it out of its package.  Wrapping it quickly around my Perfect Tortilla pan, I hoped that Bob wouldn't notice that my bag was larger than when we entered.

I tucked my treasure into my sack and rushed up front to find Bob.  As I walked, I tried to imagine what new delights I would see on TV tonight.  They were always better in person than they were as seen on TV.

Desert ride

Hot.  Bright.  Grit.

The sun was on my skin and in my eyes.  So was the gravel.  Blinking my eyes open felt like shredding their surface with the tines of a fork. 

The first thing I saw past the white wall of light was the slowly turning wheel of my bicycle.  A Bicycle playing card stuck in the spokes tinked out the passage of time.  I wondered how long the wheel had been turning.  I wondered a lot of things.

Where were my shoes?  Judging by the bright yellow sundress I had on, I guessed that sandals had covered my feet at some point.  I picked up my bike and checked the wicker basket strapped to the front.  Empty.  No shoes.  No water. 

Looking around, I tried to decide which would be the bigger problem.  I was on a road twining through a sea of sand.  Other than myself, the only living things I saw were a few brave cacti.  Even they looked hot and tired.

Which way to head?  Both directions looked equally uninviting. 

Then I realized I had to have come from somewhere.  So I turned my bike around.  If I made it here, I can make it back.  Right?

I wish I would stop sleep walking.

Super Chocolate Bacon Bombs

"Everybody loves bacon and chocolate!  These two amazing flavors have finally been brought together in your breakfast cereal.  With the addition of whole grain oats, it's also high in fiber!  Eat it straight out of the box, or drenched in maple syrup!"

I just disgusted myself. 

And I want bacon.

The prompt: Write the copy for a new breakfast cereal

A recipe for disaster

good intentions
excitement
lack of judgement
overzealousness
fatigue
poor planning
ignorance of Cassandra
haste
limited resources (infinite resources can be substituted)
single-mindedness
persistence
forgetfulness

Unlike most recipes, quantities in this dish do not matter.

Simply combine the ingredients to taste.  Sit back.  And wait.  You'll know when it's ready.